Grandmothers

My sister and I hosted a birthday party for my grandmother this weekend. On Saturday night, my house was full of relatives celebrating the woman my grandmother is and the many things she has always given.


I think most of us take her presence for granted, so it's times like these that we really stop to think about what she's done. She is the traditional matriarch of the family, and no holiday or event would be the same without her presence. For most of us, the taste of her Thanksgiving dressing or her signature banana pudding is like slipping into an old cozy sweatshirt where you feel nothing but familiar comfort and sincere belonging.


My relationship with my grandmother is complex and deeply hinged on many things that are far too long and detailed for this blog, but in a nutshell, she's my person. You all know what I mean, everyone has a person - the person you call when you've had a really bad day, the person you feel compelled to brag to when you've done something worthy of your pride, maybe the person you called when September eleventh happened, the first number you dialed when you got engaged, all of these milestones or miniscule events that make up our everydays. For me, Grandmother is that person, and I'm always anxious to hear her voice on the other end.


The concept of growing up without grandparents is foreign to me. My family lived next door to them from the time I was about 7 years old until I left home. Ann Morse explains, "A child needs a grandparent, anybody's grandparent, to grow a little more securely into an unfamiliar world." And that's precisely what my grandparents have done for me. When my father died, my mother, my sister, and I moved in with my grandparents until Mom could get back on her feet again and we felt safe to move forward. I was young (only five), and though I do not remember more than brief fleeting moments of that year, I do think the experience left an indelible mark. At that moment, the world was as "unfamilar" as it ever would be and seemed very scary, but there is one person who helped me move more securely to become the person I am.


My grandmother is one of those women whom you want to pattern yourself after, but you realize that selfless grace and true kindness is not a learned trait but one with which you have to be gifted. I can only hope that age and experience will make my half of what she is.